Do you remember the 1997 commencement speech called Wear Sunscreen? It was said that Kurt Vonnegut gave the speech at MIT’s commencement that year. In reality, Mary Schmich wrote an article for the Chicago Tribute titled Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young. She wrote that it would be the commencement speech she would give if she were asked to give one.
At one point in the article Schmich advises, Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. You don’t have to live in NYC to know, on a cerebral level, what Schmich is saying here. NYC is both an incredible place to experience and a hard place to live.
Many of you have visited and/or live in NYC. Tell me, what makes NYC incredible? And what makes it hard to live here?
Welcome to the blog of Joe Hays, minister for Christ's Church for Brooklyn. We are a loving community of believers who seek to be the hands and feet of Christ, in service to our neighbors in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn and beyond.
As much as I love to visit NYC, I’m not sure I could live there. I think one thing that would make it hard for me is the lack of space. I don’t need a huge home, but the price of housing in NYC seems to be a difficult hurdle to overcome.
Now, visiting? I can do that often. Speaking of, my family is planning a trip up around Christmas…..we’ve started our list of things to see and do — but are there any words of wisdom on places to especially seek out (or avoid!) at the holiday season that might be off the beaten path?
I got my wedding ring stolen out of my rental car by a valet in NYC. But I’m not bitter. That was just my first wedding ring. My second one is hopefully somewhere in this house I’m living in right now. My kids just aren’t telling.
I’ll be in NYC in less than three weeks. Look for me at CCfB
My husband and I adore NYC. We have averaged visting about once a year over the last 7-8 years and never can wait to go back the next time (hubby will be there next week as a matter of fact). However, I don’t think I’d ever want to live there. That that was confirmed for me on one of my last visits…it was cold and drizzling rain and all these mothers had to walk their babies from place to place in strollers covered in plastic. At one point I witnessed a young woman with an infant attempting to flag a cab, fold up the stroller, hold the baby, and get a car seat strapped into the cab all at once, in the rain mind you. That’s when I became oh so thankful for my own car and my garage where I can unload my kids and groceries with ease.
Isaac is living for the day when he can move to NYC. He loves it. When I told him there were lots of colleges there, he almost fell over in excitement. He says, “You don’t need a car and you can go anywhere. And there is always something interesting to see.” I think that sums up why we like it.
Why don’t we move there? Well, currently we are building a deck on the back of our house that is probably bigger than your and Laura’s first apartment…
love you,
Jackie Jo
My love of NYC and my limited time spent there always comes back to the purpose that I see in every person I interact with. Each of the thousands of people I see in a day there is going somewhere or doing something with such purpose that you know they are doing exactly what they are supposed to do at that moment.
However, the fact that it never lets up still baffles me. What do people do to unwind? To process everything that has happened in their day? Is that why I see more smokers in NY than anywhere else?
I love the culture of NYC. There’s so much to see and do. So many people and cultures to learn about and from. The very best part of NYC are all the cool and very sweet friends I have there. What would make me nervous about living there? Affording a safe neighborhood and all the taxes. Oh! And getting around with 3 kids in the long winters.
I am one of those mothers who used to stroll my son in the rain….but I never used plastic. This has turned him into an avid and expert puddle-jumper-rain-lover. There are too many reasons why I love living here, but mostly I believe that if we had a car, and still drove comfortably and warmly from destination to destination, I would have never discovered how much fun it can be to be in the weather….rain, sun, snow, wind. We experience it and if it is harsh, we are doubly excited to unwind in our tiny apartment close together, planning our next adventure.
I cannot imagine living anyplace else.
New York City is a big experiment to see if all races, religions, political leanings can get along. It is a labratory for art, music, performance, ideas, policy, literature and whatever else you might think of. It is a place of possibilities and opportunities. When I look at my friends, most of them could only do what they do by living in NYC (or maybe a few select other places). NYC is a place that you can never fully know and can continually explore. It is self-selecting. With every experiment there are tremendous discoveries and horrible surprises, but to just live within the the change, the experiment, and to feel the rush of the cutting edge is a thrill. With the thrill comes occassional exhaustion and frustration, but out of it I have found strong relationships, community, compassion, and understanding that I’m not sure I would have found elsewhere.
(Side note: I can’t help myself, but to answer a previous comment. NYC has a very low smoking rate, but we can only smoke outside so you see it more.)
I lived there in rhe sixties as a single and enjoyed it very much. I look it as sort of a rite of passage. I was glad to leave after marriage and eventually children.
I have to say to the non-New Yorkers that visiting New York is completely different than living here.
I completely echo Lucas’ and Jodi’s sentiments about the city. It is one of the things in my life that I am most thankful for. To get to live in a city that millions of people around the world would just die to live in if they could. It’s humbling to know that we have been able to make our way here and raise our family in truly the greatest city in the world. We can’t imagine raising our kids anywhere else.
I also really appreciate the fact that the poverty of a big city like this isn’t hidden away somewhere like it is in other metropolitan places or in the suburbs. That affords me opportunities everyday to participate in social justice on all sorts of levels. Everyday I am faced with a choice to engage or retreat, and that pushes me to grow on all sorts of levels.
The worst things about living in NYC is that you get spoiled by it. It’s the center of business, politics, news, and cultural events from around the world. Nowhere else in the US can come close to matching what the city has to offer.
Jenni - the space. I hear you, sister. We feel that often and we have a pretty spacious apartment by New York standards.
Scott - you’re coming to CCFB? Holy crap! I better bring my A game.
Catherine and Irene - yeah, getting around in bad weather with multiple kids in tow is a huge headache. Huge. That alone will make you “hard.”
Jackie Jo - you live where?
Sam - people with a purpose. Amazing, right? That’s why actors like to live here. Everyone is so zoned in that famous actors are usually left alone.
Lucas - New York as a lab. I like that metaphor. That’ll preach.
Chris - it is a sort of rite of passage, isn’t it?
Jodi - when I think of people who are true New Yorkers in spite of being born elsewhere, I think of you and your family. I love that you have co-opted my family into your fun outlook on the city!
J-Wild - let’s give some credit to the non-New Yorkers weighing in on this post. They can get a taste of what’s it’s like to live in NYC without actually living here. Sure, the very specifics may not make sense to them but if they pay attention even just a little bit, one can get a general sense of what it would take. And by the way, dude, you sound like a Texan going on about the great state of Texas.
(BTW, you’re right! NYC is the best city in the world!)
Joe:
Touche with the Texas comment…nothing more annoying!
Slight defense on the weary visitor. FOR THE MOST PART people who come to visit the city have to go to the museums, shops, and areas of town that the other 40 million people who visit this city want to go to as well. Depending on the time of year people are either freezing and crowded or hot and sticky and crowded.
I realize the repeat visitor who no longer needs to go to Times Square, Brooklyn Bridge, or Empire State building can still find the city unimaginable to live in. But most people who visit for a short time are herded into areas not frequented by locals and it usually done in such a whirlwind fasion that it’s exhausting. But they miss out on how the city changes with the seasons, or creating relationships in the local bodega or with the take-out joint down the street.
I am just saying that “touring” a city is no way of understanding what it’s like to “live” in the city.
Follow-up question. I wonder how living in NYC would compare with the other great cities in the world? Paris, Milan, Barcelona, London, Amsterdam, San Antonio…etc.
hi laura, joe,sofia & ira :
just trying to find out how are things with all of you -
how is school for sofia, how is ira progressing ? & how the 2 BEST parents in brooklyn are doing ?
please - drop a line,
love, always,
your californian friend
I think New York City is one of the most incredible places on earth. And my 5 1/2 years in Brooklyn were the culmination of a lifelong dream and the belief, as you shared Joe, that everyone should live in New York once. But now I am in London, and it is incredible too. And NY definitely has a little bit of a provincial superiority complex that I never embraced. I just like cities in general. And besides, some of my favorite things to do in NY were hang out with high school friends from Arlington, VA and watch tv on my couch. I guess I could do that from anywhere. We should judge close-mindedness, but not people who want big yards for their kids. Cause I do too
I love NYC!! I have visited about 15 times in the past 6 years. Usually my stay is 4 to 5 days. I usually return home exhausted. I would love to live there a year to experience daily life as a resident instead of a tourist.
I agree with all the pros and cons everyone has already written. My dilemma would be the cost of living.
Teresa,
I urge you not be overwhelmed by the cost of living. Yes, it is more, but it is not as bad as people make it out. One, you save a bunch by getting rid of your car. $86 should cover almost all of your monthly transport needs. So no car payment, insurance, repairs, or gas. That helps to offset the higher rents. And if you are okay with the boroughs (they are cooler anyways) then you can find relatively reasonable rent, cheap groceries (produce at the vegetable bodegas are cheap!), well priced restaurants, and tons of free entertainment especially in the summer. And to top it off you most likely will get paid more. All in all I don’t feel the cost of living thing too much. My housing costs are as cheap as my friends in NJ or CT. Now if you need to live in the west village, have 1000 sq ft to yourself, own a car, or eat at michelin rated restaurants than your wallet will be light, but if you can trully integrate to the lifestyle than it evens out more than most report.
Lucas, you are spot on. It is more expensive to live in the city than most places, but millions and millions of people do live here on a lot less than you would think. Salaries and costs can equal out if you are in the right profession (oddly enough not ministry). If you are single or married with no kids and have it as a dream to live here do not hesitate, take the plunge. The city has never been cleaner or safer, and I mean the whole city not just Manhattan. There are great churches (CCFB and MCOC) you can be a part of so that’s taken care of. The absolute worst that you would happen is that you would live here for a year, have your fill of it, and then move away and get on with the rest of your life. The best that can happen is limitless.
Now if you have kids and want to move here from places “out there” it can be a little more tricky, but it is possible, I know families who have done and they had teenagers!
Yael: Been to London only once and it felt like an older more mature New York. Although I will take the Subway over “The Tube” anyday. Three different pricing zones? Faghetaboutit!
I think another thing to consider is that when you retire, you don’t want to still be paying rent.
when i visited ny, i saw several of the same people several times–on the bus, in museums. granted those are common spots for tourists so it’s not that far fetched that some of us would cross paths more than once. but it still made an impression on me because i never see the same people sitting in traffic in dfw. i can imagine connecting with people more in a city like ny than in dfw or some other place where everybody drives alone. i don’t see how ny could make anyone harder than the soul-sucking daily commutes you described a few posts back. that trip was also the only time i’ve ever seen a body bag being loaded into the back of a coroner’s van as i passed by feet away on the sidewalk. but what makes it incredible? the sandwiches on every block were the best!
i just left a comment on your wife’s blog..we don’t know each other, but someone that follows my family’s blog also follows yours. I had micro preemie twins, so our road has been pretty crazy. It has led us to a feeding clinic here in Dallas TX. We have named ours “feeding camp”. we are in week 4 and it is an inpatient set up so we are here all the time, but it sounds so much like what you guys are doing. our situations are different because my son is younger so the bottle is his issue (we’ll get to food later) but i just wanted to tell y’all that we are thinking about you. this is an incredibly stressful thing that i don’t think most people understand…like you said, most people take it for granted. I know it is long and slow, but you will be in our prayers. I hope things start getting better. We too came here with really high hopes and have since been given a reality check. It sounded a lot like your last post about teh goals set for your son. I”ve rambled and all I really wanted to say was that me and my eating camper will pray for you and your little eating student.
http://www.thephillipsphamily.blogspot.com
What did I love about living in the City (and I miss it every single day). I miss the diversity, the energy, and the colorful people with colorful lives. NYC definitely can not be called “vanilla”. It’s not a place where everybody is living identical lives and doing pretty much the same things as their neighbors everyday (something that I see a lot of, now that I’m here in the burbs)
What makes it hard? A lot of things. It’s not a city for wimps. But that’s what makes it great. I think that people in NYC know how to face adversity and persevere. I find that people living in the City, have a lot of inner strength. They also have a lot of faith. And I’m not talking about faith in God (which many do) they have faith in themselves and faith in eachother. For example when you walk under a scaffold, you have to have to have faith that it was installed correctly. When you stand on a subway platform, you have to have faith that the guy next to you isn’t going to push you over the edge and that the NYPD is doing their job re: terrorist surveillance. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe faith isn’t the word..maybe it’s courage.
That said, some things are a lot easier in the city. You can get ANYTHING and I mean anything delivered to your door, usually at any time of the day. And like others have said before, you can get the best of everything. The best doctors and hospitals specializing in things that other health professionals have never heard of, the best restaurants, the best bread, the best bagels, the best pizza, the best hair cuts, best mass transit (usually),best museums, best libraries, the list goes on and on
I agree with J-Wild. “Touring” a city and “living” in a city are two separate beasts. I remember that I used to think “I can never live there” but once I did, I was hooked, and the experience was entirely different from what I imagined.
And I have to say I agree with the comments about Texas, I’ve lived there too.
I’d love to live in London, Barcelona, Paris and the other places mentioned. All places with great diversity and great energy. I’ve visited, but I’m sure the experience of living there would be very different.
One more thing. What Kelli said…I call those people “familiar strangers”. The people that you see everyday on the train at the same time. Through the years I’ve made friends with some “familiar strangers”. I’ve also worried about some when I didn’t see them for awhile.
Or you can be 30 on a physical therapist salary and own an apartment. It’s all possible.
Well, your insightful readers have pretty much said it all. As only a visitor to NYC, the things I love include the diversity of culture everywhere you turn, the massive variety of great restaurants, Broadway shows (my dream that’ll never happen ’cause, um, I can’t sing or dance), the fact that you don’t need a car and can walk everywhere, the Hays family lives there…
NYC is a most fabulous metropolis. I love, love, love it there.
The one thing that turns me off about NYC is a few residents’ odd need to put down others who have pride about where they live. Like former NYCer Yael writes: “NY definitely has a little bit of a provincial superiority complex that I never embraced…We should judge close-mindedness, but not people who want big yards for their kids. Cause I do too.” Couldn’t agree more.
Long-time lurker here, and I just could not not leave a comment. I moved here to NYC from Virginia last August, and I am completely in love with living here. I am a teacher, and I made, this year, about the same salary as last year in Fairfax County. However, I actually am coming out ahead by living here, primarily by not having a car (which is around $500 less a month when you add it all up - probably more now with gas prices), and walking and using public transportation (which is $81 per month for a metro monthly).
Yes, my apartment is about 500 square feet, as opposed to the 900 square foot apartment I had living in Alexandria. But it’s cozy, cute, and only around $100 more than I paid in Virginia. When you move here, you know that space is an issue, and I think I really lucked out and got a great space. And walking up four flights of stairs every single day ensures that I always get SOME exercise!
How do I unwind from the craziness of living in a city like NY? Well, I get to walk home every day (about a mile and a half) through Central Park. By the time I get home, I am relaxed and ready for the rest of the evening. Central Park is amazing. There are places you can sit and read a book and not see anyone. I plan to do that today after school.
I live in East Harlem where I can buy a $.99 burrito or taco across the street, the laundromat cashier knows me, the dry cleaner now gives me discounts, and I know my neighbors in the building (now, would I prefer that my opera singer neighbor practice somewhere else sometimes? Yes. But at least she’s good). The diversity I left behind at my former public school and now do not have at my private preparatory school is now found in my community where I live, and I love it.
I see the same people every day on the subway, bus, and walking to school; it gives you a comfortable feeling. I will actually miss that when summer vacation starts.
I really do not see myself ever leaving here (unless a prime teaching job opened up in Paris; that I would have to consider!). I have fallen in love with the city.
I may get stoned for this, but a city is a city is a city in my opinion. We moved further away from Paris on purpose. (That’s Paris, France, not Paris, Tx
)
I worked in Paris for 2 1/2 years, and that’s more than enough for a lifetime, for me. I need green. I need to not be around crowds and not have my face in someone else’s armpit in the metro. I want the luxury of letting my children play in their own yard instead of in a public park. That’s a luxury my husband didn’t have growing up and that he appreciates to no end now. And I like to be able to park my car right in my own garage instead of miles from where I’m meant to be! I don’t know whose parking is worse between Paris & NYC, but Paris parking is an absolute nightmare - and that’s only on Sundays when we go there to church. I wouldn’t even attempt it during the week!