confessions

I feel the need to get some things off my chest. So do me a favor: pretend like we’re in one of those confessional booths that one finds in Catholic churches. There is the appropriate amount of darkness so that I can’t see you and you can’t see me. The silence in the place is overwhelming. It feels as if everyone and their dog is listening in on what I have to say but I know if I whisper soft enough, only you will hear. Ready? Here goes:

1) I feel terribly inadequate to do the work I’m doing. Terribly. Every Sunday I wake with my stomach in knots. When I refer to myself in the third person - and in my head, that’s pretty often - I refer to myself as “Joe, The Fraud.”

2) I don’t know how to grill. Yep, I said it. I have no idea how to grill meat, veggies, nada.

3) It is not uncommon for me to take two showers in a day. To all my green friends: I know it’s incredibly wasteful but I hate, HATE, being dirty. This started back in junior high. And while I’ve cut back significantly, I have to fight the urge for an extra washing with every fiber of my being.

4) I’m skeptical of ministers who read “How to be Great Leaders in the Business World” kind of books. They usually have congregations that are growing rapidly. Is my skepticism valid or am I just jealous? Anyway, I’m confessing it.

5) When we get our Newsweek, I always jump to the end and read the Newsmakers section first. Newsmakers is all about pop-culture and has nothing to do with actual news. Sad, no?

6) Laura and I will sometimes sneak over to a mall in Queens. It feels a little like suburbia to us and every now and then we want that feel. If our other NYC friends knew this about us, we would be thrown out of the club. It’s time I confessed it. Deal with me gently, my friendly fellow city dwellers.

7) I drive a mini-van. You already know this but I’m hoping that if I confess it enough, driving the darn thing won’t be such a blow to my manliness.

8 ) I don’t know the Bible backwards and forwards. I have the tools to help me find what it is you need to know but I’m horrible with on the spot Bible questions. After seven years of academic study and six years of professional work, you would think I would have a better handle but alas, it is not the case.

9) I skipped seventh period athletics several times during my freshman year. A friend and I would walk over to my house and play Nintendo.

10) I saw a mother today wheeling her grown daughter around the neighborhood. The grown daughter was obviously fraught with disability. I immediately loathed their situation and wanted nothing to do with that kind of future. I must, I MUST, get over this.

Thanks for listening.

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